Sunday, March 7, 2010

Markllennium Falcon Speeds Past the 200k Parsec Barrier

Sorry, if you didn't understand my geek speak. For normal people, my truck just rolled over 200,000 miles. And it's still going strong. I'm proud that my S-10 has lasted this long. And not to get too greedy, but I hope it lasts a few more years. Parting is such sweet sorrow.

In honor of this momentous occasion, I figured I'd share my favorite truck stories.

Horny Pornstar - Three things you need to know about this one. First, Jeff got pulled over for speeding in Georgia. Second, Doug's an asshole. Third, damn kids.

Georgia Return Trip - Jeff and I moved Doug and Linnea to Georgia. This was about a week after my stereo was stolen out of my truck so I had no radio. On the way back, we stopped at a Wal-Mart in Knoxville and I bought a CD player, some speakers and the Len album with "Steal My Sunshine" on it. The whole way home, we listened to that song because Len talked about Mark and Karen (my semi crush) in the lyrics. Yes, that sound you hear is my dignity flushing down the toilet.

Trailer Surfing - Jeff, Doug and I hooked up a trailer to my truck and went trailer surfing through the field and down the road. It was stupid. It was probably illegal. But damn was it fun.

Chair Surfing - My parents were getting rid of an old Lazy Boy recliner so Jeff and I thought we'd have some fun with it. We chained it to the back of the truck and took turns pulling each other in it. That moment was the most Redneck I've ever felt.

Jersey Trip - Quite possibly the worst time ever in my truck. Jeff managed to rear end a mini van in downtown Chicago three hours into a 14 hour trip. However, that trip also took us to the QuikStop. My truck made it all the way to my Graceland. All in all, that trip was about even.

Top Gun - I just had a sunroof installed, but I was an idiot. I tried opening the sunroof while driving...60 miles per hour. The damn thing went up, vertical and then shattered in the middle of the road. It was like a fucking cockpit cover being released on a fighter jet going Mach 1. I kept shame. Basically, it went like this ---> - then ---> l and finally ---> .........

Beach - Yup. Did some stuff and things with someone in my truck near the beach entrance where South 7th Street zags.

Pupper - Whenever I took Laddie anywhere I had to do two things. First, I had to roll the window down so he could get his head and shoulders out the window. Second, I had to move the seat forward so he could reach the arm rest on the door. It didn't matter where we went. I will always remember Laddie enjoying the ride.

97 MPH - Driving down FF trying to get the governor on my truck to shut off the engine. It did. A few times. Actually, maybe more than a few.

Cruising in GB - Jamie and I, thinking we were gangstas, cruised the mean streets of Green Bay. There was nothing gangsta about it. However, we had a lot of fun doing it. Especially, the McDonald's detours when we were "craving" some fries.

DUI Stop - Quite possibly the luckiest Jeff and I ever were. We had just closed down Score's after a night of drinking (Damn, I miss that place.) with a bar close Purple Haze shot. Neither one of us should have been driving, but Jeff volunteered. I'm pretty persuasive. Off of Eisner Avenue, Jeff got pulled over for a drunk stop. Not sure of the actual reason we were stopped since he was driving decent. Jeff passed the field sobriety test, but blew a 0.16 on the Breathalyzer. I, in my infinite wisdom, volunteered to take a Breathalyzer to see if I could drive. I only blew a 0.058. However, the cop would not let me drive either. The best part is that the cop let Jeff off with nothing. Not even a written warning. All we had to do was call for a ride. Oh, yeah. Thanks for picking us up, Ed.

Tail Light Confusion - I once was pulled over for having illegal tail light covers. (Nothing fancy. Just the ones that Auto Zone sold.) Then a month after I took them off, I was pulled over for having too bright of tail lights. Both times were potential drunk stops since they were late at night. Both times I was 100% sober. Thank God.

Fucking 4th and 26 - This one was stupid. It was the closest I've ever puked in my truck...and it just happened to be going 45 MPH. And oh, yeah...I was driving down Bridgewood. So here I am, driving down the road at 3 am. My door is open and I'm leaning out to vomit...multiple times...while still keeping the truck on the road. Either sheer genius or utter stupidity.

Rough Night? - After Greg's 21st birthday party/Home Depot staff party, I left Maple Lanes and headed home. I don't really remember much. I might have had a bit too much vodka. However, when I woke up, my Dad greeted me with a chuckle and a "Had a rough night, huh?" After a few brief moments with a stupid look on my face, he clued me in. Turns out I had parked my truck in the middle of the lawn. Apparently, I missed our circle driveway completely. Don't drink and drive, kids. It'll fuck you up.

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