Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Death to the Forward Slash!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to today's rant...

The only thing I hate more than an asshole account holder is an asshole caller applying for an account. It brings to mind sweet dreams of future calls of getting yelled at for nothing and appeasing demanding jerks who never do anything wrong. (I mean it has to bank's fault that someone would write a check for more than in his account. Wow. The bank is wicked.)

So I get this chick applying for account, but she runs into a problem. A problem bigger than health care reform, bigger than the economic collapse of major investment banks, bigger than not being able to find one's car after Black Friday shopping. What issue did she run into?

A slash. Yes. A slash. A forward slash to be exact. That right there -----> /


Her address has a 1/2 in it. Since our system does not allow special characters, she ran into a brick wall. She had no idea what to do. It's like coming to a T intersection and wanting to go straight. What should she do? Pull over. Stop. Call up the county planners and bitch. There are no other options. Bitching is the only solution.

So bitch she did. And I was on the receiving end. The conversation went like this...

"Why did you do it that way?" Unfortunately, the system was set up not to allow special characters.

"Why did you do it that way?" The system was designed that way.

"Well, why did you do it that way?" It has to do with the computer program. It was not designed to allow special characters.

"Can I switch it?" Unfortunately, the system cannot be changed.

"What should I do?" You could write it "one half."

"That will look disgusting." I do apologize, but since the system does not allow special characters, a work-around needs to be utilized.

"If I write it one half, will I be able to change it later?" No. Unless the system is changed, it would have to stay that way.

"Well, I suppose. That's stupid. But why did you do it that way?" ...silence...head pounding against desk...soft cries...shotgun blast...Kristen screaming...dead air.

She was such a bitch. And she was young too. She sounded hot, but she fails the hot/crazy scale. I can only imagine the future calls from this wonder child. I'm sure she'll bitch about the monthly fee, the closing fee, her bounced checks, her warm debit card, the 10 seconds she waited on hold, the spelling of our bank and the fact that water is wet.

So how did I end my moment of greatness with this wonderful specimen of public schooling? With my notes. Here is word-for-word what I typed into my Word notes...


So to all the forward slashes out there and the people who support them...


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