The Humiliation Game Starring Woiverine 4

I'm not sure why Woiverine 4 (not a typo) got so mad at me for raping him. It's not like I went 6-0 against him. Oh, wait. I did. Wow. He must suck at Black Ops. Oh, wait. He does. He even sent me a nice voice message after the game. (You can view the video of the match on YouTube.)

"Hey dude. I'm glad you, ah, got your rank by cheating. Cuz you're a little, fucking cheating ass faggot. And bandwagon jumping. Hi, I'm a Packers fan because they won the Super Bowl. You probably take it in the ass from your fucking big brother, you little fuck."

So I replied...

"Wow. Big words. Although I can't expect intelligence from a Michigan fan. And I'm not sure why you thought I was cheating. It's called talent. You should try it sometime."

And since he had not yet used the other ten words in his vocabulary, he came back with this gem...

"Yeah, you're about as good as those faggot ass Wisconsin Badgers. When's the last time they won something? Oh, that's right. They're not winners, they're losers just like you. So enjoy stroking your Dad's dick before you go to bed tonight so you can go to sleep, you little faggot."

Since I was starting to feel bad about his condition, I sincerely replied with...

"You have a weird fascination with fags and men sucking dicks. You should get that looked it. It could fester. What? Oh, no. Sorry about that."

He also sent a voice message about me saving up soda can money to afford a mic. I have one. I was using it to party chat with Murda while we made fun of him.

By the way, I think we can go to the scoreboard. He went 7-11 in the round and I went 19-12.

And since I was bored, I posted our stats below.

I have a better win to loss ratio. My best win streak is higher. (Lunchbox37 +1)

I have a better kill to death ratio. My best kill streak is higher. (Lunchbox37 +2)

In almost the same amount of time played, I have about 15,000 more kills. (Lunchbox37 +3)

I am more accurate. (Lunchbox37 +4)

I was better in my last 10 games than he was. (Lunchbox37 +5)

So in general, I'm Winning because I'm the Warlock with Tiger Blood!

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2: The Fifth and Final Time

And I finally got to good 'ole number 5. I was ecstatic when I finally got to my 5th Prestige because I got these...

My Rage Against the Machine Title:

My Fifth Prestige Emblem:

I'm glad Infinity Ward came out with new maps because it keeps the game fresh. Now when I play the old maps it is a nice change of pace. Although, I hope they come out with another pack...soon. I'm still holding out hope they release my favorite CoD 4: MW map...Crossfire.

It's going to be nice when I get back up to 70 and get my AK-47 again. I will actually be able to spend some quality time with it for a change. Ahhh...to hold your sweet killing power in my hands again. We'll meet again...soon.

And I promise that I will only subject you to one more of these notes. There will be one final one to show my stats after I'm finished with my 5th Prestige.

This is my player logo...

Stats at the time of 4th Prestige: (Stats from 3rd, 2nd and 1st Prestige in Parentheses.)

As of right now, I'm no longer ranked in the top 1,000,000 in any category and that is because there are many, many, MANY cheaters and glitchers that ruin the leaderboards. That shit never happened in Battlefield: Bad Company. I'm just saying.

Score - 2,775,370 (2,176,360 - 1,634,090 - 1,098,380 - 573,230)
Time Played - 12 days, 18 hours, 39 minutes (10 days, 1 hours, 26 minutes - 7 days, 15 hours, 31 minutes - 5 days, 3 hours, 36 minutes - 2 days, 18 hours, 23 minutes)

Wins - 1,289 (1,040 - 779 - 526 - 280)
Losses - 1,309 (1,013 - 731 - 466 - 239)
Ratio - (1.03 - 1.07 - 1.13 - 1.17)
Streak - 14 (14 - 11 -11 - 11)

Kills - 27,259 (21,371 - 16,069 - 10,823 - 5,668)
Deaths - 23,287 (18,730 - 13,805 - 9,327 - 4,972)
Ratio - 1.17 (1.14 - 1.16 - 1.16 - 1.14)
Streak - 23 (20 - 20 - 20 - 13)

Accuracy - 18.27% (18.59% - 19.19% - 19.09% - 19.22%)
Shots Hit - 63,319 (52,314 - 39,118 - 26,271 - 13,523)
Shots Missed - 283,190 (229,032 - 164,669 - 111,307 - 56,827)

Progress:

Favorite Callsign Earned During My 1st Prestige:

"Death From Above" - Get a Game Winning Killcam with an AC130.

Favorite Emblem Earned During My 1st Prestige:

"Dominos" - Kill an enemy by setting off a chain reaction of explosives.

ApplesofDecency, do you find it painful when I get funky?

ApplesofDecency tried very hard to annoy me during a match tonight. He thought I was camping because I wanted to increase my kill to death ratio. To be fair, I was camping. But it was on Carnival and I always camp in the building since it's the focus of the map and everyone tries to take it. I was NOT trying to increase my K/D ratio.

He tried to lay down in front of me to block my view, but he died first. The other team never even saw me. Plus, I was laying in a spot that no matter where he stood or crouched, I could still see the door opening. Then he tried shooting me to let the other team know where I was. The whole time telling me that I couldn't be having fun just camping.

That couldn't have been farther from the truth.

I was really enjoying getting under his skin. Especially after my 1-3 start. He was extremely happy that I started with only a few kills. He was almost giddy with pride. But then it changed. All of a sudden, I was rattling off death like Sly Stallone in Rambo.


Every time I got a kill, I thanked him. What he didn't realize is that not only was he dying when the other team stormed the building, the other team just kept coming because they knew someone was there. And I just kept picking them off...like a pimp.

I had my killstreaks lined up as Predator Missile - Harrier Airstrike - Emergency Air Drop. I rattled off a 14 kill streak before I could even call anything in. After getting noob-tubed...finally...I called everything in. I got a Precision Airstrike, Sentry Gun and two Counter-UAVs. I rattled off a 9 kill streak and finished the match like 24-4.

Too bad the little bitch didn't stick around and take his verbal lashing like a man. After taunting him for most of the next match, he left with his tale between his legs.

So if you see ApplesofDecency on XBOX Live, please thank him for Lunchbox37. I owe one of my favorite matches ever to him.

Thanks again, buddy!

And of course, I avoided him, filed a complaint and muted him.

You can take a look at his XBOX Live Gamertag HERE.

This is his digital representation of what he thinks he is...


And what does his actual XBOX Live bio say?

Do you find it painful when I get funky?

Yup. A nice douchetastic bio. So ApplesofDecency, do ya?

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2...Prestiging for the Fifth...FUCK!...Only the Fourth Time

Okay, I know you're not reading these anymore, but I'M A FUCKING IDIOT! Do I still have your attention. Good. I was all excited once I found out that for the 5th Prestige, I'd get this title...

...and an extra custom class. I was going to rock the Rage Against the Machine title and get another custom class to add a LMG to the repertoire. So I took the plunge and Prestiged again in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Turns out I can't count to five. I was only on the 3rd Prestige so I got nothing I wanted. I just lost all the guns, camo and challenges I worked so hard to earn. FUCK!

At least I fell off the wagon. Hard. And it's a good thing too. I AM back to being an addict and I'm hooked on CoD: MW2 again. I missed my crack. I was fiending something fierce.

I'm 100% sure I WILL Prestige again. Well...because I have to. I mean, come on, I'm a fucking idiot. Now I have to get to prestige 5. I need my Rage title. I want my extra class. I need it. I want it. Oh, baby. Oh, baby.

Since I didn't Prestige right away at level 70, I was able to play quite a bit with the AK-47. Oh, sweet AK-47. I will miss your supple killing power. Mmmm, mmmm. I loved that sexy AK. We will meet again. Soon, I hope.

This is my player logo...


Stats at the time of 4th Prestige: (Stats from 3rd, 2nd and 1st Prestige in Parentheses.)

As of right now, I'm no longer ranked in the top 1,000,000 in any category. I chalk that up to two reasons. First, I took a 3 month break from the game. It was needed, but it cost me valuable time. Second, there are many, many, MANY cheaters and glitchers that ruin the leaderboards. That shit never happened in Battlefield: Bad Company. I'm just saying.

Score - 2,176,360 (1,634,090 - 1,098,380 - 573,230)
Time Played - 10 days, 1 hours, 26 minutes (7 days, 15 hours, 31 minutes - 5 days, 3 hours, 36 minutes - 2 days, 18 hours, 23 minutes)

Wins - 1,040 (779 - 526 - 280)
Losses - 1,013 (731 - 466 - 239)
Ratio - 1.03 (1.07 - 1.13 - 1.17)
Streak - 14 (11 -11 - 11)

Kills - 21,371 (16,069 - 10,823 - 5,668)
Deaths - 18,730 (13,805 - 9,327 - 4,972)
Ratio - 1.14 (1.16 - 1.16 - 1.14)
Streak - 20 (20 - 20 - 13)

Accuracy - 18.59% (19.19% - 19.09% - 19.22%)
Shots Hit - 52,314 (39,118 - 26,271 - 13,523)
Shots Missed - 229,032 (164,669 - 111,307 - 56,827)

Progress:


Favorite Callsign Earned During My 1st Prestige:


Favorite Emblem Earned During My 1st Prestige:

Activision Can Go Fuck Itself

First of all, it's about fucking time. New maps should be out within 90 days of release and then again after 180 if there are still plenty of gamers playing. (Which CoD:MW2 will still have.)

Here's IW and Activision clever site about a stimulus package called, "Mapathy."

Unfortunately, the only thing it will stimulate is the wallet of Activision.

I'm not sure if everyone's heard (Check out Major Nelson's Podcast HERE) but the new maps for CoD:MW2 are going to be 1200 points ($15.) There are 3 brand new maps and 2 maps updated from CoD4:MW. The old maps are Overgrown and Crash. Not even great maps.



I would have been okay with Crossfire (my personal favorite) and Strike. Overgrown always had way too many snipers and Crash was one sided depending on what end you spawned.



I'm not giving Activision my money for this set. Maybe if they drop it to 800 points ($10.) And even that is high considering there are really only 3 new maps. They better get the lube ready for everyone they're about to fuck. Hey Activision, GO FUCK YOURSELVES!

If you want to express your displeasure, tweet IW's Robert Bowling at @fourzerotwo. Also, add #MW2StimulusSucks to your tweet.

And of course, VOTE WITH YOUR WALLET! Tell Activision to FUCK OFF by NOT paying for the map pack.

I Know It's Getting Old, But...Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 Prestige...Again...For the Third Time

Yup, you guessed it. I Prestiged again in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. I figured I have more than enough time to get back to 70 before Battlefield: Bad Company 2 drops and begins to monopolize my time. I do want to get to Borderlands, Wolfenstein, Wanted and a few more collecting dust on my shelf. However, I AM an addict and I'm hooked on CoD: MW2. It's my crack.

I'm 100% sure I WILL Prestige again. There is a benefit to help Prestige faster. There are additional challenges that keep rolling over from Prestige to Prestige. And they're high point challenges. Plus, with the new maps releasing sometime in March, I'll still be playing Call of Duty.

The only thing I will miss is the AK-47. Plus, it's a long way back to get Cold Blooded and Ninja.

This is my player logo...


Stats at the time of 2nd Prestige: (Stats from 2nd and 1st Prestige in Parentheses.)

As of right now, I'm still ranked in the top million in all the categories except accuracy. (I will never be ranked high in accuracy because people that played one match, fired one shot and hit something will always be at 100% accurate.) I am ranked in the top 500,000 in wins. That is still the most important category to me. Kills are sexy, but wins are where the meat and potatoes are at.

Score - 1,634,090 (1,098,380 - 573,230)
Time Played - 7 days, 15 hours, 31 minutes (5 days, 3 hours, 36 minutes - 2 days, 18 hours, 23 minutes)

Wins -779 (526 - 280)
Losses - 731 (466 - 239)
Ratio - 1.07 (1.13 - 1.17)
Streak - 11 (11 - 11)

Kills - 16,069 (10,823 - 5,668)
Deaths - 13,805 (9,327 - 4,972)
Ratio - 1.16 (1.16 - 1.14)
Streak - 20 (20 - 13)

Accuracy - 19.19% (19.09% - 19.22%)
Shots Hit - 39,118 (26,271 - 13,523)
Shots Missed - 164,669 (111,307 - 56,827)

Progress:


Favorite Callsign Earned During My 1st Prestige:

"Cobra Commander: I" - Get 50 kills as a Chopper Gunner.

Favorite Emblem Earned During My 1st Prestige:

ACR Emblem - Complete ACR Veteran II (1,000 ACR Kills.)

You've Just Been Pwned

I'm sorry XBOX Live gamertag FLESH STORM. I didn't mean to rape you. Nor did I mean to embarass you. It's just...well...you're bad. Like epic bad. Like Ishtar bad. Seriously, Bad just apologized to you for stealing your name. Enjoy your lonely, pathetic exsistence. I'll wave at you from the winner's circle. Peace out, nancy boy.

Here's the story...

It was awesome. I raped on Wasteland and Derail - 20 plus kills and single digit deaths. 1st place both matches. We lost both because not another person on my team had double digit kills. Of course on Wasteland I was noob-tubing. That pissed him off and he bitched at me afterward. Then on Derail, I ran around silent and killed EVERYONE. He got the winning kill on me with a RPD by wasting a half of clip and camping in a rail car. No joke. After the match, he bragged that he shot me in the ass. I responded, "You fired 50 shots, you were bound to hit me at least once." That pissed him off more. Then he left. Poor baby. Oh yeah, he sounded like he was my age so that made it better. Plus, his own team laughed at him. Priceless.

And boom goes the dynamite. I hope you brought your lube because you just got fucked!

Oops...Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 Prestige...Again

Yup, you guessed it. I Prestiged again in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. I figured I have more than enough time to get back to 70 before Battlefield: Bad Company 2 drops. I might even have time to Prestige one more time. Plus, with the new maps releasing sometime in the next month or two, I'll still be playing Call of Duty.

I'm 99.99% sure I WILL Prestige again. There is a benefit to help Prestige faster. There are additional challenges that keep rolling over from Prestige to Prestige. And they're high point challenges.

One thing I missed the first time is Infinity Ward's sense of humor. When you're able to Prestige, it opens the Prestige option. If you click it, it gives you a warning about losing your guns. If you click yes, it gives you another warning asking if you really want to Prestige. If you click no, it makes chicken noises. I love it. I actually said no a few times just to hear the chickens. Brilliant!

The only things I miss are the AK-47 and the Blue Tiger camo for my M4 and MP5. So long AK-47. So long Blue Tiger camo. I hardly knew ya! (But I'll be seeing you again shortly.)

This is my player logo...

Stats at the time of 2nd Prestige: (Stats from 1st Prestige in Parentheses.)
As of right now, I'm ranked in the top million in all the categories except accuracy. (I will never be ranked high in accuracy because people that played one match, fired one shot and hit something will always be at 100% accurate.) I am ranked in the top 500,000 in wins. That is by far the most important category to me. Kills are sexy, but wins are where the meat and potatoes are at.

Score - 1,098,380 (573,230)
Time Played - 5 days, 3 hours, 36 minutes (2 days, 18 hours, 23 minutes)

Wins - 526 (280)
Losses - 466 (239)
Ratio - 1.13 (1.17)
Streak - 11 (11)

Kills - 10,823 (5668)
Deaths - 9,327 (4972)
Ratio - 1.16 (1.14)\
Streak - 20 (13)

Accuracy - 19.09% (19.22%)
Shots Hit - 26,271 (13,523)
Shots Missed - 111,307 (56,827)

Progress:


Favorite Callsign Earned During My 1st Prestige:

"It's Personal!" - Hurt an enemy then finish them off with a Throwing Knife.

Favorite Emblem Earned During My 1st Prestige:

M4 Emblem - Complete M4A1 Veteran II (1,000 M4 Kills)

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 Prestige

Well, I did it. I Prestiged today in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. I was on the fence, but decided the draw of the extra Callsigns and Emblems was worth it. I also have one more Create-A-Class slot. (Very helpful.) Plus, I have time to get back up to 70 and enjoy all the guns, perks and challenges.

I'm 99.99% sure I will NOT Prestige again though. There is a benefit to the first time, but the only difference beyond that is 1 or 2 more Callsigns and up to 10 Create-A-Class slots. Not worth it in my eyes.

So long AK-47. I hardly knew ya! (But I'll be seeing you again shortly.)

This is my player logo...

Stats at the time of Prestige:
As of right now, the only thing I'm ranked in the top 1,000,000 (yes, MILLION) is wins and surprisingly, accuracy. I'm currently ranked 999,406 with 280 wins and 923,477 with 19.22% accuracy.

Score - 573,230
Time Played - 2 days, 18 hours, 23 minutes

Wins - 280
Losses - 239
Ratio - 1.17
Streak 11

Kills - 5668
Deaths - 4972
Ratio - 1.14
Streak - 13

Accuracy - 19.22%
Shots Hit - 13,523
Shots Missed - 56,827

Favorite Callsigns Earned:

"Group Hug" - Kill multiple enemies with a Semtex grenade stuck to one of them.

"Team Player: II" - Win 15 Team Deathmatch matches.

Stab a person wearing this title. (This is a viral Callsign so sooner or later everyone will have it and the awesome factor will wear off.)

Most Wanted Callsign:

"The Resourceful" - Kill an enemy by sticking a Semtex Grenade to an ally.

Favorite Emblems Earned:

"Overdraft" - Get a Payback that sticks to the victim. (Reminds me of the "Fight Club" logo.)

"Blindfire" - Kill an enemy while you are still dazed by a flashbang.

"Airborne" - Get a 2 kill streak with bullets while in mid-air. (Reminds me of the Duke Nukem logo.)

Most Wanted Emblem:

"Fast Swap" - Hurt an enemy with a primary weapon, then finish him off with a pistol.

Night Vision Extraordinaire...Left of Reason Edition!

This is what happens when you mix Left of Reason, alcohol, bread, cheese, ham and night vision goggles...

When All My Built Up Hope, Excitement and Anticipation Goes...POOF!

Anyone that knows me, knows that I was anticipating the release of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 for the 360. I had the Hardened edition pre-ordered since April and the Prestige edition since May. November 10th could not have come soon enough. There I was Tuesday morning waiting in line at Best Buy to pick it up. After a LONG day of work, I raced home to play. After a hour long delay, (Damn, those goggles are fun!) I was ready to kill. I went through the single player campaign on Regular. Then on Veteran. And for a third time on Recruit. In between, Murda and I crushed the Special Ops missions. To this point, we have earned 66 of the possible 69 stars. Everything up until that point was what I imagined. It was glorious. It was awe-inspiring. It was worth the money.



Then came the online multi-player...



First off, Infinity Ward disabled Party chat during the match. (Party chat is for groups of up to 8 XBOX Live friends that can chat with each other no matter what game or activity they are doing individually. It's awesome. I can be killing, a buddy can be playing UNO and another checking Facebook, but we can all be talking together.) Party chat in this game? Nope. OUTLAWED. Fuck that. And because of that, Murda and I had to listen to the other players. That was the main reason behind gripe number 2.



There are WAY too many kids and racists playing this game. The game is rated M for mature. Kids under 18 should not even be playing it. Where are their parents? Boozing it up, that's where. Its probably the reason why the kids are so fucked up. Seriously, grow the fuck up. If I ever met you in real life, I'd fucking punch you in the head. Then I'd punch your Dad in the head. Then your Mom. Then the person standing next to your Mom out of spite for being in the same general area.



If the 10-year-old racists weren't bad enough, the "pros" I played with were. And by "pros," I mean the fucking no talent ass clowns that have nothing to do all day, but play. You know the ones. The ones that can skip school because their parents are too drunk to notice or the ones that have no job and sit in their parents' basements, smoking pot and reminiscing about the "glory" days of high school when they did that one "cool" thing that nobody remembers, but them. Basically, retards.



During the first match I played, I had no idea of the map layout, what guns were good for that map or where the killing zones were. Plus, I was playing with 1 of the 3 guns (which are all crap) the game starts you with. Needless to say, I started 0-6. All of sudden everyone on my team starts dumping on me, taunting me and telling me how much I suck. (Except Murda who was in the same boat. He was not running around all crazy-like so he didn't get shot up like me.) Let's just say that pissed me off. Just a bit. Maybe a bit more than a bit. I could have choked out a nun. I was a little upset. So I focused and rattled off a 10 kill streak to finish 10-6. My team lost by 1 kill, but I finished third. In the lobby after the game, I didn't hear anyone bitching or laughing at me. Funny. I wonder why? Maybe because a guy, who played his first match, without a basic knowledge of the map and playing with the starting guns, just bitch slapped you fucks up and down the map.



After that first match, Murda and I quit and played Battlefield: Bad Company...



Needless to say, we won the first Battlefield match after not playing that game in over 2 weeks. Did I mention I finished first overall and Murda and I won best squad? Oh yeah. We're fucking good.

Will I go back to mult-player on CoD: MW2? Probably. It's just so deflating when something I looked forward to for a long ass time, disappoints. (Kind of like the "Crying Game." Having a great time with someone that gets you and loves you for you and then, BAM!, a penis shows up.) However, the game is just too damn good to put on a shelf. Nevertheless, I will always be wary of the racist kids and the good-for-nothing wannabe pros. But don't worry. I'll kill them...eventually. (In the game, I mean. Of course, of course.)