Death to the Forward Slash!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to today's rant...

The only thing I hate more than an asshole account holder is an asshole caller applying for an account. It brings to mind sweet dreams of future calls of getting yelled at for nothing and appeasing demanding jerks who never do anything wrong. (I mean it has to bank's fault that someone would write a check for more than in his account. Wow. The bank is wicked.)

So I get this chick applying for account, but she runs into a problem. A problem bigger than health care reform, bigger than the economic collapse of major investment banks, bigger than not being able to find one's car after Black Friday shopping. What issue did she run into?

A slash. Yes. A slash. A forward slash to be exact. That right there -----> /

OH MY GOD! A FORWARD SLASH! NOOOOOO!

Her address has a 1/2 in it. Since our system does not allow special characters, she ran into a brick wall. She had no idea what to do. It's like coming to a T intersection and wanting to go straight. What should she do? Pull over. Stop. Call up the county planners and bitch. There are no other options. Bitching is the only solution.

So bitch she did. And I was on the receiving end. The conversation went like this...

"Why did you do it that way?" Unfortunately, the system was set up not to allow special characters.

"Why did you do it that way?" The system was designed that way.

"Well, why did you do it that way?" It has to do with the computer program. It was not designed to allow special characters.

"Can I switch it?" Unfortunately, the system cannot be changed.

"What should I do?" You could write it "one half."

"That will look disgusting." I do apologize, but since the system does not allow special characters, a work-around needs to be utilized.

"If I write it one half, will I be able to change it later?" No. Unless the system is changed, it would have to stay that way.

"Well, I suppose. That's stupid. But why did you do it that way?" ...silence...head pounding against desk...soft cries...shotgun blast...Kristen screaming...dead air.

She was such a bitch. And she was young too. She sounded hot, but she fails the hot/crazy scale. I can only imagine the future calls from this wonder child. I'm sure she'll bitch about the monthly fee, the closing fee, her bounced checks, her warm debit card, the 10 seconds she waited on hold, the spelling of our bank and the fact that water is wet.

So how did I end my moment of greatness with this wonderful specimen of public schooling? With my notes. Here is word-for-word what I typed into my Word notes...

TT FORGOT TO GET WHORES NAME. BITCHED ABOUT SLASH IN HER ADDRESS. FUCK HER.

So to all the forward slashes out there and the people who support them...

GO FUCK YOURSELF!

Rants and Raves After a Crappy Day

So I do NOT like one specific girl. Hate is a strong word, but it applies in this situation. I want to smother her in her sleep. Defecate on her corpse. Then light the bitch on fire. Other than that, I have no problem with her...

I never understood how people hate their jobs...until today. I have come to the understanding that if you do NOT enjoy being around your co-workers, you will NOT enjoy your job no matter how much you actually enjoy the tasks and responsibilities...

I should have no restrictions on my activities outside of work unless they are illegal or they reflect poorly on my employer. I work and get paid for 40 hours a week. For the other 128 hours, stay OUT of my personal life...

The Brewers released their 2010 schedule today. Opening day is actually at Miller Park this year. Is is WRONG to already be excited? I might have to come down with the flu so I can go to it...

I told a friend that I wanted to spend my 30th BIRTHDAY wherever the Brewers were playing. Looks like I'm headed to Arizona...

Aaron Rodgers is straight MONEY! How can the Favre-lovers diss Aaron now? Can't stay healthy? He played most of last year with a bum shoulder. Can't bring the team back in the 4th quarter? See the Bear game Sunday night. I cannot wait for whatever some Favre obsessed jackass comes up with next...

It was nice to see A.J. Hawk get some much needed LOVE on the Journal Sentinel Packer blog. I love A.J. because he plays the game the way Nitchske did. I hate A.J. because his wife is smoking hot...

Ted Thompson is looking pretty SMART now, isn't he haters? If TT is an idiot, I want to be an idiot...

Ruvell Martin signed with the Rams today. He was the one guy I was disappointed the Packers were not able to find a place for. He was a GREAT interview and seemed like a decent human being...

Having weekend plans sucks. I keep looking forward to MADISON this weekend and it is making my work day seem longer than normal. Next week will be even worse. I'll be looking forward to my Father-Son trip to St. Louis...

How can people HATE on Obama for the job he's doing? He has not even been in office for a year yet, Republicans are dragging their feet on some important legislation, and Obama inherited the "American Mess" from his *cough* brilliant *cough* predecessor...

That's it for today's crappy day RANTS. Time to watch "RocknRolla" and see if Guy Ritchie recovered his movie making magic.

The Day the Cubicles Stood Still...

I had one of those days today. The soul crushing, smack you in the face, kick your ass while you're down kind of day. And there was no reason for it. Turns out every place and I mean EVERY place, is just like high school.

I won't go into specifics because there are spies among the Facebook faithful. I'm not usually a conspiracist, but there are too many coincidences to be random. So here goes...

It started with someone who was a certain way and did things. Others helped and eventually the knife had to be removed from their backs. Other people did not like other things said. Some did not comprehend things. Things were said. Things were done. Parties were partaken in. Rumors swirled. Truths swirled. People broke trusts. Friends were made. Friends were lost. God times were had. Bad times consumed the lot. Things were moved up the chain. Basically, things were done by people at times and places. Everything culminated in the group being broken up. I sense there is a Yoko at work. When the dust cleared, myself and one other person had a new cubicle.

The bitch of it all is that I tried to be friends with everyone. I was inclusive. I was compassionate. I was the defender of wrongs. I was trusting. And that was my downfall. Like many in history, I was befallen by one close to me. Or so I thought was close.

Nothing against my new cubicle buddies, but they're just not my friends...yet. I hate change. Absolutely despise it. I'll miss the loud mouth cunt. The guy who incessantly talks about online poker. I'll even miss the emotional one.

I try to stay positive and have a smile on my face. But it's hard when I realize I'm a nobody. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. "Keep your head up, Mark." I heard this many times today. How about you go fuck yourself and let me sulk for awhile. Is that okay with you, your highness? I suppose in the grand scheme of everything, it could be worse. At my last job, there was a worker who could only be classified as an self-absorbed, alcoholic loner with an unjustified ego that rivaled only the likes of Hitler. At least I'm not a piece of shit that people look upon with contempt and unbridled hate.

So I have that going for me. Which is nice.

But I feel alone on my island surrounded by a sea of estrogen.

And that makes me blue. But at the same time, red. Red burning with a furious rage. A rage that can only lead to 2 things - an outburst of Titanic proportions or an updated resume that will help me move onto the next chapter that is Mark.

To those I'll miss, and you know who you are, I say, "Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."

The Customer Service Dilemma

"Everyone has a right to be stupid; some people just abuse the privilege."

How do you tell someone he's stupid without saying, "Hey moron, you're a fucking idiot. Why don't you think for a change? I guess common sense is not a concept you grasp?" I wish I could say that and still keep my job.

So here's the backstory. Some guy called up today to bitch about his HSA. He had an account and so did his wife. They were authorized signers on each others accounts. He was concerned about the negative balance on his account. Checks were bouncing left and right. He had the brilliant idea to write checks off his account. However, he thought that as long as his wife signed the check, the funds would be taken out of her account.

"You guys really fucked me here." And so the cussing began.

I actually had to teach to him how checks work. I explained that no matter who signs the checks, the funds are drawn from the account number that is printed on the checks. And it's not like he is new to the magical world of checking. He is on the plus side of 40, but the dementia years are a ways off.

"I've had nothing but trouble with you fucks." Yes. Because you are a moron. No? That cannot be. Your stupidity is also our fault. I better watch out before Al Gore comes after us for global warming and Packer fans blame us for Brett Favre choosing to wear purple.

He wanted a resolution and now. So I ordered checks for his wife's account at no charge. Yup. We paid for his stupidity. I once again explained that the checks with his name first and his account number will draw from HIS HSA and the checks with her name first and her account number will draw from HER HSA. It was like teaching rocket science to a toddler. He asked how to get funds out of her account during the "months" it will take for the checks to arrive. I advised him that she could use the debit card linked to her account during the 10 days the checks would be in the mail.

"Everyone uses checks for medical expenses. Why the hell would I use the debit card?" That was his gem of a response. Really? I think there are hundreds of thousands of people that would disagree. Me being one of them.

So I added him to my asshole caller list and went about my day. However, I could not shake the notion that his stupidity might have some way rubbed off on me. God help me.

God help us all!

Random Rants and Raves

Damn, I forgot how much I enjoy "The Matrix." It's exhilarating...

Now that training camps around the NFL have started, Michael Vick is back in the news. I do not condone what he did. I am a dog person so what he did was horrifying and immoral. But why is he getting treated worse than Donte Stallworth? Donte killed a human being. I'm guessing the reason is because Vick was the better football player. That's a sad reflection of our society...

Why do people have to walk through double sliding glass doors right smack dab in the middle? You see me coming. I'm easily noticed. Pick a side, jackass...

On the same thought, why do people try to get on an elevator before the people get off? Everyday at work I almost run into people getting on the elevator before I can even get out. Please, for the love of God, do not get on the elevator before the doors are completely open. That way you can see if anyone is on the elevator. A novel concept, I know...

Why do some people think they don't have to work as hard as others? After a call at work, there are certain people that continually abuse the paperwork status. They sit there doing nothing for 5 or 20 minutes, while the rest of the team is taking call after call. Why can they do this? Because there is no oversight. How would I deal with the problem? With an iron fist covered by an iron glove....

I'm glad the Bucks are not sitting on their hands. Hakim Warrick is not a big name, but he'll bring athleticism and defense to the Bucks. A good, cheap signing. I've been a Warrick fan since that blocked shot in the NCAA tournament...

Somebody who owed me money for 4 years finally paid me this week. I haven't talked to him in over a year and then out of the blue, he calls. The money was not the reason I hadn't spoken to him. His actions and words as a "friend" were. Now I have to make a decision. Forgive and forget? Time will tell...

All done ranting for today. It's back to "The Matrix."

Customers Are "Special"

An actual call at work today...

"Thank you for calling ___. My name is Mark. How may I help you?"
"Yes. Thanks, Mike. I'm calling to get some account information."
"I can definitely help you with that. May I have your account number please?"
"My account number or card number?"

Seriously? First of all, my name is Mark. I speak extremely clearly. I've been called Clark already. Okay, maybe. It rhymes. But I've also been called Eric, Bob and other names. PLEASE LISTEN! My willingness to help you drops rapidly if you do not listen. Plus, if you do not listen to my name, what else will you not listen to?

Secondly, if I ask for your account number, I'm asking for the account number. The phrase "card number" never left my mouth. If I needed the card number, I would have said, "May I have your card number please?" It would be like going to McDonald's and asking for a Big Mac and the cashier asking you "Big Mac or Fillet 'o Fish?" If I wanted a fucking Fillet 'o Fish, I would have fucking asked for it.

Morons. The world is full of them. Unfortunately, most of them have phones and I am on the other line.

Random Thoughts After Another Crappy Work Week

I had an interesting week of work. It was generally slow, but the customers still had some "interesting" questions. This was an actual conversation I had with an account holder...

"What is your account number?"
"I don't have it."
"I'm sorry, but I cannot change your address without your account number."
"I have the account number. Why didn't you just say that?"

Are you fucking kidding me? And that was one of the mellower conversations. I guess it takes all kinds. But why do I have to get the crazy ones?...

I was annoyed that the Brewers game was rained out tonight. I was hoping to catch the last few innings. It is a BIG series against the Cardinals this weekend. I know it's early, but first place is on the line. I still get to watch Saturday and Sunday though, if the rain stays away...

I was surprised that the Brewers brought up Mat Gamel already. Was it necessary to dump Brad Nelson? Yes, especially after starting 0-21 at the plate with 9 strikeouts. He seemed like a nice guy and I wish him the best. However, all the "experts" said that the reason Nelson, McGehee, and Duffy struggled as pinch hitters was because they're young and need consistent at bats. So how will sporadic playing time affect Gamel? General Manger Doug Melvin is usually right, but I question this move. Maybe Gamel is just keeping the bench warm until Catalanotto is ready. One can hope...

Question: What do you get when you cross X-Men Origins: Wolverine and the Marcus Theaters gift card that is burning a hole in my pocket? Answer: Sunday...

Awhile back, I wrote a post about my investment in AIG. My wish almost came true. AIG hit $2.00, but I did not have the balls to pull the trigger and sell. If I would have sold at $2 and bought back in at $1.65 three days later, I could have pocketed an extra $644. Now that AIG has climbed back up, I'd either have that $644 in my pocket or 390 more shares. FUCK! The stock market is a malicious bitch, isn't it?...

Well, that's all folks. Time to watch the season finale of Numb3rs.