How I Spent a Beautiful Sunday in October

After I rolled out of bed just in time to catch the last bit of the Fox NFL pregame, my dad and I sat down to watch a relaxing Packer beat down of the Lions. At half-time, I had to run to the gas station so I took Laddie with me. Noticing how nice of a day it was outside, I decided to make plans. Unfortunately, nobody could make the time to hang out. What to do? What to do? Then it hit me. A few days ago, my niece came upstairs and scolded me for how messy my room was...

"Untle Nark, you need to clean your room. Granma's gonna be mad."

She then preceded to make a lane in the middle of my room so Laddie could jump up on my bed. That night, Laddie did not even want to sleep upstairs because there was no place to lay down. So I figured it was time to clean. And today was as good a day as any. After the Packers shut out the lowly Lions, I got to work.

This is what my room looked like before...



Of course I had to take a few necessary Facebook breaks, a pizza break, a break to talk with my niece and nephew and a break to kill some bitches with Murda, but eventually I finished cleaning my room. I even alphabetized my XBOX 360 collection again.

This is what my room looked like after...




At 11:30, exactly 12 hours after I woke up and 8 hours after I started, I finished cleaning my room. How did I decide to celebrate? With Rock Band, of course. Arguably the greatest video game ever. I set up my drum set and rock 'n rolled until the wee hours of the morning. I tried to forget that the upcoming week will suck.



Another day well spent socializing with the only person that truly understands me...ME!

The Elusive BF:BC Full Deck Wild Card

After 2,905 games (Yes, you read that correctly) of Battlefield: Bad Company on my XBOX 360, I FINALLY earned the Full Deck wild card. The wild card is earned after 52 kills in one match. (Although technically, I did earn it while playing on Matt's profile, but until today, that wild card never appeared on my gamertag.)

This is one of, if not the most, elusive wild cards in the game. In all those games I played, I saw the Full Deck wild card earned ONLY 3 times. The best part is that I earned it for 2 out of those 3 times.

The wild card was made even more special because Murda was on my squad to enjoy it with me. (He was just shy of earning the wild card.) I finished with over 1,000 points and he finished with over 800 points. The next highest scoring guy on either team had a touch over 600. That is statistical proof that Murda and I DOMINATE that game.

I thought it was fitting that my 52nd kill was a knife kill. Sorry about that, Crazyman10000. You were unlucky number 52.

On a side note, when I first bought Battlefield: Bad Company, I thought the hardest achievement to get would be the "Beans Bullets Bandages" achievement for earning 10,002 kills. I waved bye-bye to that milestone a long time ago. After my Full Deck wild card, I now stand at 31,017 kills...and counting. Of which, 1,752 are knife kills.

Also, I am now ranked 2,205 out of at least a million players. (The leaderboard tops out at 500,001 and I have many friends ranked at 500,001 so there has to be almost a million Battlefield players.) My goal is to get into the top 2,000 before Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 begins to monopolize my time.

And to everyone I killed on my way to the Full Deck, I say...

"Gotcha Bitch!"

Why the U.S.A. Needs Health Care Reform...

We need health care reform. And this is my story why...

I received three bills from my insurance company on Friday. I intentionally did not open them until 15 minutes ago so they would not ruin my weekend. I was astonished when I opened them.

The first was from the original Nurse Practitioner that I saw. I went in and she looked at my sinuses and called them "boggy." I never realized that was a medical term, but I guess it is a new age term. The statement said my bill was $111.00. (Negotiated insurance price was $111.00. Yeah for insurance!) Basically, I went in and was told to go somewhere else for a CT scan. That was money well spent. I would have been better off investing in a Nigerian Prince's gold.

The second was for the CT scan. It was for $348.00 (Negotiated insurance price was $278.40.) This one does not irritate me too much. I understand that the machine is expensive and the hospital needs to recoup that expense. Okay, whatever. I'll move on.

The third bill was by far the most mind-blowing one of all. It was from the St. Nicholas hospital. Before I tell you how much it was, I'll tell you what they did for me. I checked in and waited for 20 minutes before an admissions clerk could see me. (It was 7:30 in the morning and NOT busy at ALL.) In the 5 minutes I spoke with her, all she did was take my insurance information and tell me where the CT scan room was. I got to the CT scan room and waited for another 20 minutes before the scan. Then I was scanned for 5 minutes and out the door I went. And before I reveal the cost, do not forget I was already charged for the actual CT scan. So how much did this little encounter cost?

$1,056! (Negotiated insurance price was $792.00.)

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

I was only helped for 10 minutes. That equates to $105.60 A FUCKING MINUTE! Nobody is worth that. And that is why the United States of America needs health care reform. Insurance companies, doctors, hospitals, and Congress only see dollar signs.

All they see is dollar signs.

Until we get reform that benefits the end user, but is fair for everyone, the little guy will ALWAYS get pinched. All in the name of profits.

And I do not care if this guy...

President Barack Obama

...or this guy...

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid

...or EVEN this guy...

Political Guru and Conspiracist Extraordinaire Alan Horn

...or MAYBE EVEN this guy...

Founder of Communism Karl Marx

...fixes the system. As long as someone fixes it. And I will be the first to admit that I am NOT smart enough to fix it alone. Then again, NO ONE IS SMART ENOUGH TO FIX IT ALONE! Nevertheless, egos and political affliations will always prevent AMERICANS from working together to solve a NATIONAL problem. I know, I know. Working together? What a novel concept.

And it's not that I cannot pay, it's that I should not have to pay THAT MUCH. The cost of seeing a doctor is RIDICULOUS! No wonder people do not go to the doctor. They're better off dying from a disease than from the stress of paying the bills!

So until the system is reformed, the current health care system can...

GO FUCK ITSELF!

I Love My Glistening, Gleeming Ruger .38

In observance of our new found loss of innocence and freedom, I have painstakingly added a new entry to Mark's "Poetry" Corner. (To view my previous entries go HERE and HERE.)


For the last 18 days
flowers sprung up
the sun shown bright and warm
cats and dogs lived together
I whistled at work
I went out and
enjoyed the companionship of others.

But now the second coming of the Messiah
haunts our halls
the man walketh on water back home
Freedom
crushed
Fun
grinds to a halt.

Blackened
is my soul
Alone
is my body
Crushed
is my spirit.

I sit destitute
my buddy
my pal
the Goose
keeps me company
until even that
runs out
and mocks me
as the last bit
teases my taste buds
with hope
but only delivers
despair.

Burdened by
hate
Bothered by
a false idol
taking its unforgivable place
above us
deserved, no
inevitable, yes
to stand with
conceit and contempt
for the happiness
the friendships
that others share
but not with Jesus.

But alas,
a bright light
glistening daylight in a night of hate
gleaming hope
I turn to my buddy
what would it be like
to touch it
to taste it
to suck on it's supple barrel
I pick it up
just to tease at first
I stutter and stammer
to find the words.

Click.
Freedom here I come.
Boom.

Alive at last.
Free at last.