Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Customer Service Dilemma

"Everyone has a right to be stupid; some people just abuse the privilege."


How do you tell someone he's stupid without saying, "Hey moron, you're a fucking idiot. Why don't you think for a change? I guess common sense is not a concept you grasp?" I wish I could say that and still keep my job.

So here's the backstory. Some guy called up today to bitch about his HSA. He had an account and so did his wife. They were authorized signers on each others accounts. He was concerned about the negative balance on his account. Checks were bouncing left and right. He had the brilliant idea to write checks off his account. However, he thought that as long as his wife signed the check, the funds would be taken out of her account.

"You guys really fucked me here." And so the cussing began.


I actually had to teach to him how checks work. I explained that no matter who signs the checks, the funds are drawn from the account number that is printed on the checks. And it's not like he is new to the magical world of checking. He is on the plus side of 40, but the dementia years are a ways off.

"I've had nothing but trouble with you fucks." Yes. Because you are a moron. No? That cannot be. Your stupidity is also our fault. I better watch out before Al Gore comes after us for global warming and Packer fans blame us for Brett Favre choosing to wear purple.

He wanted a resolution and now. So I ordered checks for his wife's account at no charge. Yup. We paid for his stupidity. I once again explained that the checks with his name first and his account number will draw from HIS HSA and the checks with her name first and her account number will draw from HER HSA. It was like teaching rocket science to a toddler. He asked how to get funds out of her account during the "months" it will take for the checks to arrive. I advised him that she could use the debit card linked to her account during the 10 days the checks would be in the mail.

"Everyone uses checks for medical expenses. Why the hell would I use the debit card?" That was his gem of a response. Really? I think there are hundreds of thousands of people that would disagree. Me being one of them.

So I added him to my asshole caller list and went about my day. However, I could not shake the notion that his stupidity might have some way rubbed off on me. God help me.

God help us all!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I Fear Things that Cannot be Killed like Zombies and Brett Favre

I’m guessing everyone has heard the news by now. The sun has risen. Oh, yeah. And some guy unretired...again. I did not catch the contract numbers, but I’m guessing he signed for 30 pieces of silver.

It was surreal to see the helicopter watching Brett get off the plane and then following the SUV as it drove to the Vikings practice facility. It was like Michael Jackson’s funeral all over again. Except this time, I was mourning for my memories.

I am deeply disappointed in Favre’s decision and his character. He seems to be actively trying to be oblivious to fan sentiment. He does not seem to understand how his actions are tarnishing his reputation. I hope he will be remembered for the wins and records rather than the damage he inflicted on his relationship he built with Packer fans.

One thing for sure will come from Brett suiting up for the Vikings. It will be easy to tell who the 1990’s bandwagon jumpers were. Every fan who cheers for the Vikings and Favre, but against the Packers, was never a true Packer fan to begin with.

I understand that Reggie White and THE Green Bay Packer icon, Vince Lombardi, also retired and then came back to a different team. They did not, however, threaten retirement for the last five years as a Packer, tearfully retire on the national stage, suggest they want to return, decide to stay retired, announce their return through the media, make a spectacle at Family Night in Green Bay, force a trade, spout off hate to the national media about a team that supported them for years, lead their new team to an underwhelming season, retire again, get bad mouthed by ex-teammates, suggest another return, stay retired because they could not play/coach at a high level any longer, and then return to the game again because they could play/coach at a high level after all.

Over the years, my great memories of Brett have created this myth. I ingeniously call it The Brett Favre Myth (BFM.) It basically is the feeling that Favre is bigger than the team. That Brett, and him alone, won all those games. The home games in the cold at Lambeau. The 4th quarter comebacks. The play-off games. The Super Bowl. And it’s that myth that clouds the sensibilities of Packer fans today.

Brett, the player, I admire. Brett, the loving son, I admire. Brett, the caring husband, I admire. Brett, the generous charity supporter, I admire. Brett, the prima donna, I don’t. And I think this is where the BFM clouds fans’ views.

I remember my Grandpa coming home after a random Packer game on a Sunday fall afternoon. I was practicing my pitching against the old concrete silo in our yard. My Grandpa stepped out of his Buick and handed me a great gift...a pack of Pro Set trading cards that were handed out to fans before the game. At the time, I never realized that was the beginning of the Packers return to dominance. What game was it? It was Brett’s memorable comeback in 1992 against the Cincinnati Bengals that announced his arrival as THE quarterback of the Green Bay Packers.

Since that day, Brett has given me great memories…and some not so good ones...

...I remember coming home from a church confirmation getaway and sitting down to watch the first Packer play-off game in years. The Packers were playing the Lions in Detroit. A quarterback playing like he didn’t know any better, rolled out left and heaved a bomb across the field and hit Sterling Sharpe to put the Packers up for good. At that moment, I knew the Packers were going places.

...After the Packers thoroughly demolished the Carolina Panthers in the NFC Championship game, nobody left. Everyone had their arms around the person next to them. We were swaying back and forth, singing “We Are The Champions.” “This Is Our House” was flashing on the Jumbotrons. It was a powerful moment. Brett Favre was front and center.

...I remember sitting in the basement at my cousin’s house watching Super Bowl XXXI. Brett, like a Pop Warner kid, running around the field with his helmet in the air, celebrating a long touchdown pass to Andre Rison. This is probably my favorite Favre moment. It will always be how I remember him.

...My worst Packer Favre memory is 4TH and 26. I still cannot talk about it.

...I was working 3rd shift at The Home Depot while Favre had one of his greatest games as a Packer and one of his worst games as a man. In the conference room, I watched Brett throw 5 touchdowns just days after losing his father to a heart attack. His emotions shown through the screen. If you watched that game and did not feel for Brett and his family, you are a robot.

...Sitting in the stands after the 2007 NFC Championship game, I was completely lost for words. Anger. Hate. Disappointment. Sadness. Shock. All emotions that raced through me. That was the last time I ever saw Brett in the Green and Gold. It still pains me to this day that Brett’s last pass as a Packer was a duck. He was trying to do something great, but it was a duck nonetheless.

I was disappointed in Brett’s response to a question posed to him today at his press conference. He was asked about people being tired of his wavering. He responded, “Don’t watch” and shrugged his shoulders. I liken that response to a little kid throwing a hissy fit in the middle of a crowded church. And then after getting scolded by adults, who disapprove of his childish actions, telling everyone, “If you don’t like it, don’t pay attention.” You’re going to get attention acting like a baby especially with ESPN monitoring your travel plans, Jay Glazer tapping your phone and Peter King camping outside your house. There are some people that get upset at the massive amounts of attention that is focused on them because of their sometimes outlandish behavior. Those people are either the Presidents of the United States or prima donnas. And Brett is definitely NOT the President of the United States.

I do not think Brett Favre will automatically put the Vikings in the Super Bowl. They were favorites to win the division and go deep into the play-offs in 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008. They failed each year. I do not think an aging superstar quarterback with a minor rotator cuff tear will light the world on fire. So then why would the Vikings sign Favre and to a 12,000,000 dollar a year contract? A few reasons can explain it. One, it makes the Vikings relevant on a national scale. The talking heads on ESPN are now talking about the Vikings. If Favre was not a Viking, ESPN would be going gonzo over Michael Vick or the return of Tom Brady. Two, it sells tickets. The Vikings were having trouble selling out the games. Now, the Vikings do not have to worry about local television blackouts. Three, it helps push the Vikings towards a new stadium. The owner is doing the same dance as every other professional sports team owner does. The Vikings might have to move if a new stadium is not built. It is blackmail in the simplest form. Build a new stadium or we’re gone. I would hate to be a Minnesota voter now especially after swallowing the tax increases for the new Twins stadium. The voters now feel the pressure to support the team by spending at least 500 million dollars on new digs. The owner cannot live without those luxury suites padding his wallet. He couldn't just live as a millionaire. He HAS to be a billionaire. Brett will help him with his money problems.

Most of the TT haters like to believe that the whole saga began with TT not wanting Favre back. It really began when Favre wanted TT to sign Randy Moss and TT passed. Then after the team was one duck pass away from the Super Bowl without Moss, TT passed again on Moss. Favre impulsively decided to retire, a move he clearly regretted as soon as he made it. Whether or not Favre was right about Moss, it was NOT his place to expect a voice in personal matters. Sherman started an unwise trend of letting Brett run the place. Teams cannot let players have personnel control or all hell will break loose. I think the old saying goes, “You cannot let the inmates run the asylum.” TT needed to stop that trend so he put his foot down and Favre took his ball and went home.

This particular Favre circus has nothing to do with Ted Thompson though. Many of Favre’s worshippers, brainwashed by the BFM, think Favre going to the Vikings is TT’s worst nightmare. It’s not. TT has his own team to worry about. However, I do believe this could be TT’s redemption. I read a blog today that compared TT to Osama bin Laden. Are you fucking kidding me? One orchestrated the worst terrorist attack in United States history that left thousands dead and a country forever changed. The other is a general manager for a professional sports team. Professional sports are in the entertainment business. Please, if you’re going to hate on TT, be smart about it. Come at me with an intelligent discussion. Do not let your love of Brett Favre feed your hatred of TT. TT made a business decision. A tough decision. An unpopular decision. But the right decision for the growth and future of the Green Bay Packers. As a PACKERS fan, that is what I expect the general manager to do. He made the impossible decision to let Brett leave, but it was the correct one. The Packers are now set at quarterback for 10 years rather than clinging for a few years to the battered right arm of a rapidly aging Hall of Fame quarterback.

I’ve got the season tickets ready to go for November 1st. Oh, he will get booed at Lambeau. To think otherwise would be as delusional as Favre thinking this does not hurt his legacy with Packer fans. I am torn. To boo or not to boo. It’s hard to remember all the great memories with a knife in my back. The Brett Favre saga could be comical, if it was not becoming a pathetic ending to what once was an admired, honored career.

Do I wish Favre was still in the Green and Gold? Yes. But I am a PACKER fan first. I always will be. I cheered for Dickey and Majkowski before Favre and I will cheer for Rodgers and his successors after Favre.

On a side note, Brett’s returned has helped my bottom line. The only way to purchase Packers tickets for the Rams game in St. Louis, directly from the Rams ticket office, was to purchase tickets to another game. I choose the Vikings at Rams game. And with Brett Favre coming back, not only will I be able to sell those tickets and recoup the face value, I will be able to sell them for twice as much and pay for the Packers tickets too. Boom! I now have free tickets to see the Packers in St. Louis. So I have that going for me, which is nice.

I’ll leave you all with a simple, but powerful quote. It came from Aaron Kampman after he was asked about Favre signing with the rival Vikings. “The red jersey will be off.” Yes. Yes, it will. Go get ‘em, guys!

Revenge is a Dish Best Served on Microwave Power Level 7 for 3 1/2 Minutes

This poem comes complete with the low-light, weird angle, "artsy" self-portrait that seems to be so popular on sites like Facebook and MySpace.


The playmate who stole toys,
Now fondles little boys.

The pastor who felt other men,
Now dates Ken.

The peer who always had to win,
Now lives in sin.

The teacher who used many manuals,
Now worships Jack Daniels.

The bully who teased in school,
Now is a tool.

The girlfriend who left with Sid,
Now has a kid.

The friend who backstabbed,
Now drives a cab.

The owner who made work hell,
Now has to sell.

The wife who ran away with her brother,
Now has no significant other.

The dad who never understood,
Now is petrified wood.

The self who could never cope,
Now hangs from a rope.


On a scale of 1-10 with 1 being BAD and 10 being AWESOMELY BAD, I'm shooting for a 10+ for this poem. Comments and critiques are appreciated. Anything to help bring out my true, bad inner poet.

Monday, August 10, 2009

0 to 175 in Two and a Half Minutes


Since Facebook, MySpace and blogs seem to bring out everyone's inner poet, I thought I'd throw my hat into the ring.

I wait for a sign from the heavens.
Finally, green, I go.
My front tire jumps off the ground,
the force rips through my body.
Jane, a friend, but yet more, feels it too.
Her body melts onto my back.
She holds tight, not wanting to fall.
I pull the throttle more
momentarily slowing to shift gears,
we lean as one, eating up the beautiful curves.
I glance down, 110, 115, 120
I have never experienced speed like this.
so I pull the throttle back even farther.
The vibrant color streaks by,
no sounds, but Jane’s heart beating faster, faster.
I go for it all
I peek back down
I climax at 175, something I have never experienced
Euphoria overwhelms my body
Grabbing tighter, tighter
Jane trembles from exhilaration
I slow down only after the feeling escapes us
We arrive at her house,
Our journey over.
I dismount to walk her to the door
And after a good night kiss,
I climb back on to try it again,
this time, by myself.


(This is obviously a joke and not a reflection of my true writing abilities. If you think otherwise, please read this POST. In this case, you're the B.)

Movie Mondays - Ferris Bueller's Day Off


"Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?"

In honor of John Hughes' untimely passing last week, I wanted to spotlight my favorite movie he had a hand in creating. Hughes was a great director, writer and producer. He directed many great 80's movies including: "Sixteen Candles," "The Breakfast Club," "Uncle Buck," "Weird Science" and this week's Movie Monday entry, "Ferris Bueller's Day Off."

I remember watching "Day Off" during an "off" day of school. I'm sure everyone that has watched the movie has a story like that.

"Day Off" is a great movie. From the beginning to the end, greatness oozes from every scene. And that greatness began in the planning stages. The script is airtight. The locations are awesome. The casting is spot on. I don't think I could ever imagine Ferris as any one other than Matthew Broderick. I don't think I'd want to.

To this day, I still have almost the whole movie memorized. I have to watch it at least a few times a year. If I catch just a brief glimpse of it on TV, my mood instantly improves.

I try to live my life according to Ferris. "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

My hat goes off to John Hughes for creating a brilliant masterpiece. My heart goes out to his family and to the world. A great movie maker was lost. And a great man.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The Art of Douchebaggery!

I hate non-handicapped bastards who park in the handicapped parking spot. I REALLY hate bastards who park in TWO handicapped parking spots.

So I'm taking lunch at work yesterday and this douchebag pulls across both handicapped parking spots.


I thought, okay, it was an isolated douchebag incident. I was wrong. I was at lunch today and some new douchebag did the same thing.


They work for a company that picks up old real estate magazines and drops off new ones. Usually, the normal douchebag parks in the handicapped spot. The only saving grace is that he parks in the spot like a normal driver. Not these douchebags. They think it is okay to take up the ONLY handicapped spots in the lot. Will it really kill you to walk that extra 12 feet? No. Unless, obviously and I can't believe I didn't know this, you're a douchebag.

I want to throat punch them.

I want some prison warden to strip them down and let the rapists in D Block have their way with them.

I want Michael Weston and Fiona to put just a bit of C4 under their cars. Just enough for a little "show."

I want to smash their face into a car windshield, and then take their mothers out for a nice seafood dinner and never call them again.

Why must we accept this douchebaggery?

More importantly, why is it wrong to take a pipe wrench to their skulls?

Please, don't be a douchebag. I beg of you.

Lyric Wednesdays - The Verve

Another Wednesday, another lyric entry from The Verve. This one is a bit more popular than the last entry. It is also off their 1997 album, "Urban Hymns."

With the economy in the crapper and money hard to come by, one phrase in this song hits home. "You're a slave to money then you die." That's life. We work for the dollar. We spend that dollar. Then we go back to our pathetic jobs and try to earn another dollar. It's a vicious cycle.

I lay awake at night dreaming of the freedom riches bring. I want to be able to not have to worry how I'm going to pay the bills. Unfortunately, I do not know how to do that. So I go back to my job and do my best. Why? To one day be promoted and earn more money. It could be worse. At least I have a job. And a relatively secure one in today's economy.

I wish I had the love of my life. I wish I had an acceptable body image. I wish I had enough money to do what I want, when I want.

It's not all bad. I have a few great friends. I have the best family in the world. I have my thoughts.

I love life. It's not easy, though. It's a Bitter Sweet Symphony...

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah,

No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no

Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
Try to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the things meet yeah

You know I can change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no

I can't change my mold
no, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
no, no, no

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
Been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Have you ever been down?
Have you've ever been down?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

#7, Michael Vick, Backup Quarterback, Green Bay Packers?


First off, I know it will NOT happen.

Second, I am a dog lover. I was appalled.

Third, to this day, I'm still sore that the Falcons beat the Packers in the playoffs. It was the Packers first postseason loss at Lambeau. And of course, I had to be there.

However, Michael Vick is a weapon. That is the biggest reason I think Vick would be great in the Green and Gold. The NFL is a league of weapons. Look at the Cardinals. They were never out of it because of their plethora of weapons. Also, look at the Dolphins. In 2007, they were horrible. Then in 2008, they ran the Wildcat offense and befuddled defenses. That team did not have 11-5 talent.

Yes, the defensive coordinators around the league will figure out the Wildcat, but no team would have a player as dynamic as Vick running it. He can run, pass and catch.

The backlash from any team signing Vick would be severe. I am not a man of God, but people can be forgiven...if they show remorse. Vick paid his due. He did hard time in a federal penitentiary. He's trying to make amends and prove that he has put dog fighting behind him. He should never stop apologizing. He should never stop trying to improve his image. The moment he stops, he fails.

There are a few things the Packers would have to do if they signed Vick. They need to clear it with Aaron Rodgers. Tell him that Vick has absolutely no shot at the starting spot. Also, tell Vick that. Then, they need to clear it with their sponsors. Get the Humane Society, PETA and any other sponsor connected with animals to make positive statements regarding Vick. Something to the effect that Vick paid his dues and is actively trying to pay his debt to society. Next, set a zero tolerance policy. Make sure Vick knows it is one and done. One mistake and Vick gets kicked to the curb. McCarthy and Thompson have enough clout to make sure Vick stays in line. Plus, the Packers have enough veteran leadership to keep Vick on the straight and narrow. Do not alienate the fans or make them feel like the team is hiding something. Get out in front of the story. Explain what Vick did was horrendous. Show how he has paid for his crimes. Finally, sign Vick to a low cost contract. Throw some escalators in the contract, but Vick would probably take anything above the league minimum at this time. I mean a small contract in the NFL is better than a big contract in the UFL.

Vick in the Green and Gold is a pipe dream. But it's too amazing not to think about. Just like the possibility of drafting Michael Crabtree, Vick playing for the Packers would be electrifying. He would make the offensive unstoppable. Aaron Rodgers, Ryan Grant, Donald Driver, Greg Jennings, Jordy Nelson, Jermichael Finley, James Jones AND Michael Vick? Need I go on?

The Packers cannot afford a distraction like the Favre implosion last year. However, the Packers will have to decide whether Michael Vick, the player, can help them more than Michael Vick, the person, could hurt them.

I think it's worth the risk to find out.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Movie Mondays - The Matrix Edition


"He's starting to believe."

"He is the one."

Those are two of the many lines in "The Matrix" that still elicit goosebumps from me. And it's been 10 years and 100 viewings.

I watched "The Matrix" for the first time in over a year. Wow. It still has it. I cannot imagine ever creating something as great as it. The story, the effects, the action..."The Matrix" has it all.

I'm sure almost everyone has seen it. If not, buy it and watch it. (Don't waste money renting a movie that you will surely buy after watching it.) If you have seen it, pop it in again and let the emotions come flooding back.

I want to take the red pill!

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Thank You, Brett


Thank you, Brett. I did not want to hate you. Since I was 12, I cheered for you. I bought your merchandise. I supported you during the tough times. I cheered during the good. I cried with you when your father passed away. The moment you would have put on that crappy purple uniform, you would have torn out my soul, took a piss on it and then lit it on fire.

Now please stay retired. Nobody wants you to come back in November. Legends should be idolized and remembered for their greatness. Not laughed at.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Random Rants and Raves

Damn, I forgot how much I enjoy "The Matrix." It's exhilarating...

Now that training camps around the NFL have started, Michael Vick is back in the news. I do not condone what he did. I am a dog person so what he did was horrifying and immoral. But why is he getting treated worse than Donte Stallworth? Donte killed a human being. I'm guessing the reason is because Vick was the better football player. That's a sad reflection of our society...

Why do people have to walk through double sliding glass doors right smack dab in the middle? You see me coming. I'm easily noticed. Pick a side, jackass...

On the same thought, why do people try to get on an elevator before the people get off? Everyday at work I almost run into people getting on the elevator before I can even get out. Please, for the love of God, do not get on the elevator before the doors are completely open. That way you can see if anyone is on the elevator. A novel concept, I know...

Why do some people think they don't have to work as hard as others? After a call at work, there are certain people that continually abuse the paperwork status. They sit there doing nothing for 5 or 20 minutes, while the rest of the team is taking call after call. Why can they do this? Because there is no oversight. How would I deal with the problem? With an iron fist covered by an iron glove....

I'm glad the Bucks are not sitting on their hands. Hakim Warrick is not a big name, but he'll bring athleticism and defense to the Bucks. A good, cheap signing. I've been a Warrick fan since that blocked shot in the NCAA tournament...

Somebody who owed me money for 4 years finally paid me this week. I haven't talked to him in over a year and then out of the blue, he calls. The money was not the reason I hadn't spoken to him. His actions and words as a "friend" were. Now I have to make a decision. Forgive and forget? Time will tell...

All done ranting for today. It's back to "The Matrix."

100 Straight Days of XBOX!

I have now gamed on my XBOX 360 for 100 straight days. Yes, I know. I'm still proud of my milestone though.

Most of those days were spent killing on the Battlefield with Murda and sometimes Matt and Jeff would join the fight. It was almost poetic that on my 100th straight day, Murda got his XBOX back from Microsoft. There was some serious killing going on.

In honor of my 100th day, I decided to get at least 100 achievement points. Some were fun to get. Here's the list...
  • Duke Nukem 3D - Shake It Baby
  • The Bigs - Strikeout!
  • The Bigs - Strikeout x3
  • The Bigs - Double
  • The Bigs - Triple
  • NCAA Football 08 - Complete a 60 Yard Pass
  • NCAA Football 08 - Break a 60 Yard Run
  • NCAA Football 08 - 50 Yard Punt
  • NCAA Football 10 - Bustin' Loose
I tracked my progress at 360voice.com. Check out my blogging 360 at http://360voice.gamerdna.com/tag/lunchbox37. The site is awesome. It creates a blog from your 360's point-of-view. Try it. You'll enjoy it.

As you can see, I also changed my gamer picture. It's Dancing Time! Plus, it seems as though my Live rep went down. Someone gave me an unsporting conduct review. It's probably because in one match I was running around knifing bitches. I had 2 double knife kills and 8 in total. Sorry, but "Gotcha Bitches!" Here is the entry from my 100th day...
A good gamerpic is like art... everyone has a different opinion about what is good. Too bad I am right and the rest of you are all tasteless suckers... this is the best pic ever. Admit it! In gaming related news... Lunchbox37 hit the switch and fired me up yesterday... his total gamer score is 25,680.That is an increase of 105 points over last time! He played NCAA® Football 10 finishing 1 achievement, NCAA® Football 08 finishing 3 achievements, The BIGS, Battlefield 1943™, Ghostbusters, The BIGS 2, Duke Nukem 3D, BF: Bad Company, and think of all the things we learned! Ha... look at me still typing this blog entry when there is gaming to do! Let's keep it up Lunchbox37! Also, don't tell Lunchbox37 I told you this, but we have now gamed 100 days in a row... he doesn't like to share that with others.

Also, Lunchbox37 is the complete suck. Our gamer reputation actually decreased yesterday... I am going to have to give him a talking to!
I won't get to 200 since I'm headed to St. Louis in September, but it was fun to get to at least 100. I'll probably stop after the 137th day. I have to end it on that day. I mean come on. It includes 37. Wait. Does that make my 360 a whore? Yes. Yes, it does. By the way, boys. She's available for parties.

My favorite achievement in the last 100 days. I love to tip strippers...especially digital strippers from 1996. Damn, I'm good.

My 2nd favorite achievement in the last 100 days. It's the easiest achievement ever. (The Simpsons Game says so.) All you have to do is press start. Literally. Just. Press. Start.

Murda and I bringing the pain on the Battlefield during my 100th day and his 1st with his "new" 360.

Friday, July 31, 2009

MLB Trading Deadline

So the trading deadline has come and gone and the Milwaukee Brewers did not make a major move. I'm glad Alcides Escobar (below, #71) and Mat Gamel (below, #24) are still Brewers. Claudio Vargas (left) was the only move the Brewers made. It strengthens the bullpen and maybe they can stretch him out and move him into the starting rotation. Plus, the Brew Crew gave up basically nothing for him.

Most fans were spoiled after the C.C. trade. That trade comes about once a decade. For Brewers' fans, once a generation. To put those expectations on Doug Melvin would be unfair...and wrong.

Yes, the Brewers could have mortaged the future for a run at the wild card. So what? The Brewers did that last year. We should keep our prospects. The Brewers might finish 3rd or 4th in the division this year, but at least they'll have a future.

In the offseason, hopefully the Brewers can sign a top of the rotation starter. (Probably not an ace, though. The Brewers don't have Yankee money. I'm a realist not a dreamer.) They should resign Felipe Lopez to a multiyear deal, but DO NOT overpay. Then resign Trevor Hoffman, Jason Kendall and Mike Cameron to 1 year deals. Trade Corey Hart and J.J. Hardy for prospects. And GASP, look into trading Prince Fielder for MULTIPLE STUD PITCHING PROSPECTS ONLY! He's eventually going to leave for more money anyway. This way the Brewers can maximize their return now. And last, but certainly not least, sign Craig Counsell. Give him what he wants. A new Harley? Ask him what color. Lifetime Miller Park seats? Ask him where he wants to sit. He is the sparkplug. The leader. The Wisconsin boy.

So the 2010 Milwaukee Brewers would look like this: C-Jason Kendall, 1B-Mat Gamel, 2B-Felipe Lopez, SS-Alcides Escobar, 3B-Casey McGehee, LF-Ryan Braun, CF-Mike Cameron, and RF-Rickie Weeks. Starting Rotation-Yovani Gallardo, Manny Parra, Dave Bush, Suppan or Looper, and the free agent. The closer once again would be all-time saves leader, Trevor Hoffman.

I could live with that team in 2010. At least it would be competitive. The one thing Doug Melvin has to do is upgrade the pitching...in the majors and the minors. Not doing so would be unforgiveable. Not doing so will probably cost him his job.

Wow. I'm already looking towards 2010. There's still 2 months left. Can the Brewers reach the leaders? Maybe. Will the Brewers slump late in the year like the last few seasons? Probably. Oh well. I still have tickets to 2 more games at Miller Park this year, plus my father/son trip to see the Brew Crew in St. Louis.

Go Brewers!


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Lyric Wednesdays - The Lonely Island

In honor of Kristen's PARTY at Cedar Lake, I had to use this song. I first saw the VIDEO on Saturday Night Live and I've been hooked ever since. It's funny as shit. Plus, I just found out that Lonely Island put out an album in 2009 called Incredibad. It's awesome. It includes this song plus "Dick in a Box," "Lazy Sunday," "Jizz in my Pants" and Natalie Portman's gangsta rap.

So like Neal screamed as we were partying on Kristen's pontoon, "I'm On a Boat!" I'm on a boat too, mother fucker!

[Intro (T-Pain)]
(Shortayyyy) Aww shit
Get your towels ready it's about to go down (shorty, yeah)
Everybody in the place hit the fuckin deck (shorty, yeah)
But stay on your motherfuckin toes
We runnin this, let's go

[Chorus (T-Pain)]
I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)
I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)
Everybody look at me cause I'm sailin on a boat (sailin on a boat)
I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)
I'm on a boat
Take a good hard look at the motherfuckin boat (boat, yeah)

[The Lonely Island (T-Pain)]
I'm on a boat motherfucker take a look at me
Straight flowin on a boat on the deep blue sea
Bustin five knots, wind whippin out my coat
You can't stop me motherfucker cause I'm on a boat

Take a picture, trick (trick) I'm on a boat, bitch (bitch)
We drinking Santana champ, cause it's so crisp (crisp)
I got my swim trunks, and my flippie-floppies
I'm flippin burgers, you at Kinko's straight flippin copies

I'm ridin on a dolphin, doin flips and shit
The dolphin's splashin, gettin e'rybody all wet
But this ain't Seaworld, this is real as it gets
I'm on a boat motherfucker, don't you ever forget

I'm on a boat and, it's goin fast and
I got a nautical themed pashmina afghan
I'm the king of the world, on a boat like Leo
If you're on the shore, then you're sho' not me-oh
{Get the fuck up, this boat is REAL!!!}

Fuck land, I'm on a boat, motherfucker (motherfucker)
Fuck trees, I climb buoys, motherfucker (motherfucker)
I'm on the deck with my boys, motherfucker (yeah)
This boat engine make noise, motherfucker

Hey ma, if you could see me now (see me now)
Arms spread wide on the starboard bow (starboard bow)
Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow (moon somehow)
Like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible

[T-Pain]
Yeah, never thought I'd be on a boat
It's a big blue watery road (yeah)
Poseidon~!! Look at me, oh (all hands on deck)
Never thought I'd see the day
When a big boat comin my way
Believe me when I say, I fucked a mermaid

[Chorus]

[T-Pain]
Whoahhh
Sha-sha-shorty, shorty
Yeah yeah yeahhh

Monday, July 27, 2009

Good Bye, Old Friend


My grill fed me at many Packers games at Lambeau, Brewers games at Miller, Mallards games at Werner, grill outs on the deck in Oregon and quick grill outs in the garage in Howards. But today I mourn for her. My grill finally lit it's last fire.

I know it's a grill, but it's more than that to me. To me it is memories. Doug melting the spatula to it in 10 degree weather at Lambeau. Making Matt grill at Miller Park because I was too busy ogling the hots chicks in J.J. Hardy jerseys (and because I bought the cheese brats, damn it.) Ed and I trying to keep it lit while tailgating before the cold, cold, cold Packer playoff games. Chilling at a Mallards game while waiting to get our free beer glass. Having to grill steaks in the snow because my Dad had to work late. Sitting on the deck, bull shitting with Matt with the aroma of grilling brats wafting in the air. Loading it time after time into my truck to start a journey that no one knew how it would end.

It was an end of an era today.

I guess I'm off to Target to buy a new one...and make some new memories.

A Monday at Miller










Doug and I celebrated his 30th birthday at Miller Park. We showed up. Too bad the Brewers did not.

Movie Mondays - Cradle 2 the Grave Edition


I'm a huge Jet Li fan. Figuratively and literally. I've seen all his American movies in the theater and bought DVDs of his early Hong Kong flicks on eBay. (The voiceovers are awesomely bad!) So I was excited to see this movie again. I haven't seen it for a few years. Two things immediately pop out: DMX is a horrible actor and Jet Li is a fucking badass.

"Cradle 2 the Grave" is not a great movie. But it's fun. And it has great action sequences. Jet Li is a Taiwanese police inspector who comes to...really, the plot is not important. This is the movie in a nutshell... opening credits... fighting... talking... fighting... fighting... talking... car chase... fighting... talking... gun battle... action... tank battle... fighting... the end.

If you want a good mind numbing action movie to kill some time and take your mind off life, then "Cradle 2 the Grave" is the choice for you.

My favorite scene? Jet Li vs. the UFC

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Otterson Sister's Party!



I might have gotten too wrecked. Fuck that.

Lonely Island Awesomeness!



I had to post this in honor of Friday night's party at Cedar Lake. It was the first time I've been on a boat since Billy almost killed us all last summer!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The "Unfathomable" Arrest of a Burned Spy!

MIAMI, Florida (CNN) – Sam Axe owns a 1957 Cadillac in Miami. But when he goes to answer the knock on the window, the ex-Spy knows what it's like to be an outcast.

“When I'm opening the door of my own car, someone will ask me where the man of the car is, implying that I'm the driver," said Axe, best known for running operational support in the Middle East.

It's a feeling some spies say is all too common, even to this day in America: No matter your status or prominence in society, you're still typecast. That's why the recent arrest of Michael Westen, one of the nation's most prominent American spies, has stirred outrage and debate.

Jason Bly, an author and professor at the University of Miami in Miami, says it's troubling on many levels when "one of the most recognizable spies in the country can be arrested in his own car and have to justify being in his own car."

"It's really kind of unfathomable," Bly said. "If it can happen to him, yeah, it can happen to any of us."

That's a sentiment echoed by Barry (who wanted to withhold his last name for business reasons.) "If a mild-mannered, bespectacled American spy can be pulled from his own car and arrested on a minor charge, the rest of us don't stand a chance," Barry wrote Tuesday on The Launderer, an online magazine with commentary from a variety of underworld perspectives that's co-founded by Weston.
"We all fit a description. We are all suspects."

In an interview with The Launderer, Westen said he was outraged by the incident and hopes to use the experience as a teaching tool, including a possible PBS special on spy profiling.

"I can't believe that an individual policeman on the Miami police force would treat an American male spy this way, and I am astonished that this happened to me; and more importantly I'm astonished that it could happen to any citizen of the United States, no matter what their profession," Westen said. "And I'm deeply resolved to do and say the right things so that this cannot happen again."

Westen was arrested last Sunday in broad daylight in his Dodge Charger, for operating while intoxicated -- what the arresting officer described as "loud and tumultuous behavior in a public space." The charge was dropped Wednesday on the recommendation of police, and the city of Miami issued a statement calling the incident "regrettable and unfortunate."

Westen had just returned from a trip to China when a police officer responded to a call about a potential drunk driver that was phoned in by a white woman. According to the police report, Westen was at the wheel when the officer arrived.

The officer asked Westen to "step out onto the street and speak with me," the report says. "[Westen] replied, 'No, I will not.' He then demanded to know who I was. I told him that I was 'Detective Paxson from the Miami Police' and that I was 'investigating a report of a drunk driver' in this car.

"While I was making this statement, Westen opened the driver’s door and exclaimed, 'Why, because I'm a spy in America?' "

According to the report, Westen initially refused to show the officer his identification, instead asking for the officer's ID. But Westen eventually did show the officer his identification that included his home address.

"The police report says I was engaged in loud and tumultuous behavior. That's a joke," Westen told The Launderer. "It escalated as follows: I kept saying to her, 'What is your name, and what is your badge number?' and she refused to respond. I asked her three times, and she refused to respond. And then I said, 'You're not responding because I'm a spy, and you're only a police officer.'"

Known as Mike by friends and colleagues, Westen is a burned American spy and an acclaimed humanitarian.

While Westen's arrest lit up talk radio and blogs, it prompted others to defend the police against charges of spy profiling.

"I'd be glad if somebody called the police if somebody was driving drunk," neighbor Virgil Watkins told CNN affiliate WDOH.

For others, the incident symbolized something more. Seeing the police mugshot of Westen brought some spies to near tears.

Fiona Glenanne, a Miami gun runner, cultural commentator and blogger, said she grew numb when she saw the mug shot.

"I was not prepared for that," she said. "To see one of my heroes in a mug shot was not something that I was expecting. ... It just tells me we're not in a post-spy society."

She said there's a reason why you don't hear about prominent non spies arrested in their cars: "because it doesn't happen."

It's time for America to have a long overdue national conversation about spies, Glenanne said. "When are we going to have that," she said. "When are we really going to sit down and strip down and say, 'This is what I feel about you and this is what you feel about me. Now, how are we going to get over that?' "

Phillip Cowen, an award-winning author, said the arrest was devastating to scholars, writers, and artists "who work so hard to keep a free flow of information."

"It seems eerily ironic Mr. Westen was returning from China, where surveillance is so high and freedom of speech and ideas so curtailed," Cowen said. "To see the mug shot of Mike was a blow to all of us who feel some sense of safety based on our work to try to mend all of these broken fences in America -- to make ourselves into people who refuse to be limited by profession and class and gender and everything else."

"To end up, at the end of the day, treated like a criminal, unjustly stripped of our accomplishments and contributions even if only for a moment, are profoundly disturbing. We must ask ourselves what it means, and to allow ourselves to face various scenarios regarding power and freedom and how these will intersect in the coming years."

Last week, President Obama spoke at the 100th anniversary of the C.I.A., saying that while spies have made great strides "the pain of discrimination is still felt in America."

"Even as we inherit extraordinary progress that cannot be denied; even as we marvel at the courage and determination of so many plain folks -- we know that too many barriers still remain," the President said.

Axe, the ex-Spy, said Obama "has affected a change in people's consciousness regarding such issues as profession and prejudice." But he said the arrest of Westen underscores that there's more work ahead.

"I think we're moving in the right direction. But no doubt, there still is a lot of work to be done," Axe said. "It's not just a problem here. It's a problem worldwide. Spies are universal."

Westen said he has a newfound understanding of exactly what that means. "There's been a very important symbolic change and that is the election of Barack Obama," he told The Launderer. "But the only spies who truly live in a post-spy world in America all live in a very nice house on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue."

(To truly understand and appreciate this post, please read THIS and THIS.)

Lyric Wednesdays - The Verve

The song is off The Verve's 1997 album "Urban Hymns."

I had not heard the song until this season's premiere of "Entourage." If Vince can be good looking, rich and powerful, but still alone, what hope is there for the rest of us?

I need to remember that amongst all my gripes and complaints about my life, I am a "Lucky Man."

Happiness
More or less
It's just a change in me
Something in my liberty
Oh, my, my
Happiness
Coming and going
I watch you look at me
Watch my fever growing
I know just where I am

But how many corners do I have to turn?
How many times do I have to learn
All the love I have is in my mind?

But I'm a lucky man
With fire in my hands

Happiness
Something in my own place
I'm stood here naked
Smiling, I feel no disgrace
With who I am

Happiness
Coming and going
I watch you look at me
Watch my fever growing
I know just who I am

But how many corners do I have to turn?
How many times do I have to learn
All the love I have is in my mind?

I hope you understand
I hope you understand

Gotta love that'll never die

Happiness
More or less
It's just a change in me
Something in my liberty
Happiness
Coming and going
I watch you look at me
Watch my fever growing
I know
Oh, my, my
Oh, my, my
Oh, my, my
Oh, my, my

Gotta love that'll never die
Gotta love that'll never die
No, no
I'm a lucky man

It's just a change in me
Something in my liberty
It's just a change in me
Something in my liberty
It's just a change in me
Something in my liberty
Oh, my, my
Oh, my, my
It's just a change in me
Something in my liberty
Oh, my, my
Oh, my, my

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Free Michael Westen!



THIS
is bullshit!

Everyone knows he was undercover trying to infiltrate the Miami Police Department to expose corruption. While Michael was being "arrested," Sam and Fiona were searching the cop's car for evidence.

Free Michael Westen!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Movie Mondays - Watchmen


I FINALLY saw "Watchmen." I hate myself for not seeing it in theaters. It is awesome. It is a masterpiece. I cannot wait for the sequel.

Zack Synder is a genius! First, he remade "Dawn of the Dead" and ramped up the tension. Bitch, get out the room! Next, he brought us "300." A great movie in it's own right. Then, along comes the "Watchmen." Did I mention he was a genius? And he's a Wisconsin boy to boot. I have to support the dude.

This movie was based on a graphic novel written by the great Alan Moore, of V for Vendetta fame. Great. Now, I have to spend some more money to buy the comics.

Damn you, "Watchmen!" Why did you have to be so great?

Saturday, July 18, 2009

My Life According to Coldplay!


Using only song names from ONE ARTIST/BAND, I cleverly answered these questions.

Pick your Artist:
Coldplay

Are you a male or female?
"Moses"

Describe yourself:
"A Rush of Blood to the Head"

How do you feel:
"Lost!"

Describe where you currently live:
"In My Place"

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
"Postcards from Far Away"

Your favorite form of transportation:
"Parachutes

Your best friend is:
"Brothers & Sisters"

What's the weather like:
"Rainy Day"

Favorite time of day:
"Daylight"

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
"Death and All His Friends"

What is life to you:
"Help Is Round the Corner"

Your fear:
"Swallowed in the Sea"

What is the best advice you have to give:
"Careful Where You Stand"

Thought for the Day:
"Fix You"

How I would like to die:
"Gravity"

My soul's present condition:
"Low"

My motto:
"Viva la Vida"

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

My How the Mighty Have Fallen

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.

As they walk, they come across a sign: “Contest: Looking for the most beautiful woman in the world.” “I’m entering!” said Snow White.

After the contest she comes out and they ask her, “Well, how’d ya do?” “First Place!” said Snow White. They continue walking and they see a sign: “Contest: Looking for the strongest man in the world.” “I’m entering,” says Superman.

After the contest he returns and they ask him, “How did you make out?” “First Place,” answers Superman. “Was there any doubt?” They continue walking until they see yet another sign: “Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?” Naturally, Pinocchio enters.

After the contest he returns with tears in his eyes. “What happened?” they asked. “I came in 2nd; who the hell is this Brett Favre, anyway?” asked Pinocchio.